This is a little stream of consciousness, so please forgive the word vomit but I needed to put this out there somewhere and stop running around in my own head.
I know that most people get married and have babies, and for lots of the world that is the natural progression for things. Lots of people also have babies and then get married. Or get married and never have babies. Or have babies and.... nevermind, you get it.
I was having a great time playing with "T" who is 11 months old, at last nights Super Bowl party. He was cute and in a good mood, and smiley all over the place. His mom and dad wanted a chance to have a beer, and what else was I going to do during the 30 minute "intermission" (aka power outage). We played with cat toys, and remotes, and coasters! Such Excitement! After some baby entertaining, I went back to watching the game and "T"'s mom said -
And there were two answers that quickly popped into my head. The one I verbalized was
"We are really hoping to move into a new home in a few months and would like to be settled in our new home before adding to the insanity".
Which I thought was honest - we are hoping to move and seriously, pregnant moving sounds awful. Also, it is not as though we got married at 38 here people, I am Twenty-freaking-Seven.
The second answer was the honest one - the one I didn't say out loud for fear of sounding like a crazy woman - the one that brought tears to my eyes..
"I have yet to go one day without missing Mom so much it hurts, that I cry every day, and hell f&#king no, I am not ready to even consider being a Mom without my own Mommy here beside me.
I am so happy that I have my god daughter to play with, and a new niece on the way in VA. I love to play with kids, and absolutely would love to have one or two or three of my own some day. But pretty please, can it just be okay for me to love on everyone else's kids and still be just fine with giving them back at the end of the night?