Friday, October 5, 2012

Missing Her

I have this huge plan to write a great post about my Mom's battle, the one that she fought with dignity down to the very end. But it is hard.  Hard to get through the first sentence without crying, impossible to include all of the things that made her so amazing, and unimaginable that I'll never get to experience those times and moments again.

There are no words to explain how lost, sad, and empty I feel now and have felt for the last 17 days.  There is no one on the other end of the phone to make me laugh, convince me that my staff isn't out to get me, or commiserate about Kev working 2nd shift.  There is no email waiting for me at 7:30 that says "Good Morning Glory" along with a wish that I have a great day.  I saw the first ad for the Christmas Lights at Longwood that will start the Saturday after Thanksgiving today.  That was the thing I always did with Mom and Grammy Moyer.  And now, in less than a year, they are both gone.  I love love love that display, but I think I might skip 2012.

I'll probably be absent from the general blogging world for a while, including writing and commenting.  Currently my Google Reader has 745 posts in it that I haven't read, and I honestly have no interest in reading about the fun things that other people are doing.  How fun is life when I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, and have yet to sleep through the night.  Moving on with my life isn't worth it if she isn't here to share in my joy, my happiness.  I'm well aware this probably sounds melodramatic, but getting out of bed and taking a shower takes more energy than I have.  And work, oh please. 

I miss you Mom, more than I could ever put into words.  I would never change a moment of our time together, but I sure wish there was more of it.  I know that I will miss you every day, for the rest of my life, but you will always be my mommy.  I Love You.

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